I’m tired of comforting myself that it gonna be alright, persuading myself that his noise wouldn’t distract my inner peace, lying myself that the seem-to-be-impposible solution will come soon, and ignoring the fact that his performance is the only matter and would kill the good mood and productivity of everyone.
I feel myself weakening. The nightmares keep spinning around in my head: the dissatisfactions under his supervision, the unsettlement I believe the situation would be a lot better without ‘Him’ alone that everyone could be in peace, the regrets for years that I was trying to be like the dead fish allowing myself to go with the flow, the guilty feeling I was trying to fake myself in order to fit in, and the arguments that were fighting in my head that my mouth couldn’t speak it out.
All of my instincts and desires– everything tells me to make peace and not to take any actions against him if I want to be in the safe zone. But I fight against them like a drowning person in riptide.
I finally formulate all the dissatisfactions, unsettlement, regrets, guilty, and arguments that have been ringing in my head all day, “Fuck! I’ve done with you.” I shout it out loud in the office.
I’m no longer fighting with him nor myself, Let’s him alone fight with his own insecurity, fear, and unconfident. M glad I have the courage to do what is right, and I don’t regret for that.